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- Network Working Group A. Ramos
- Request for Comments: 2323 ISI
- Category: Informational 1 April 1998
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- IETF Identification and Security Guidelines
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- Status of this Memo
-
- This memo provides information for the Internet community. It does
- not specify an Internet standard of any kind. Distribution of this
- memo is unlimited.
-
- Copyright Notice
-
- Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998). All Rights Reserved.
-
- 1. Abstract
-
- This RFC is meant to represent a guideline by which the IETF
- conferences may run more effeciently with regards to identification
- and security protocols, with specific attention paid to a particular
- sub-group within the IETF: "facial hairius extremis".
-
- This document will shed further illumination on these problems and
- provide some possible solutions.
-
- This memo provides entertainment for the Internet community. It does
- not specify an Internet standard of any kind, but is rather
- unstandard, actually. Please laugh loud and hard.
-
- 2. Introduction
-
- It has come to the attention of THEY [1] that a certain "facial
- hairius extremesis" of the male variety of the species "homo sapien"
- of the sub-culture "computeris extrordinarisis" have overrun the IETF
- conferences and thus led to the break-down of many identification and
- safety protocols.
-
- 3. Per Capita (Anecdotal) Evidence
-
- While collecting research about the sub-group "facial hairius
- extremis" (FHE), it was noted that the per capita appearance of FHEs
- at IETFs was largely disproportional with the existence of FHEs in
- the world-at-large. In fact, the existence of facial hair at all
- within the IETF community is extraordinarily common among the males
- of the group. Apart from ZZ-Top and WWF Wrestling, it is not
- possible to find more facial hair within any occupational group. In
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- Ramos Informational [Page 1]
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- RFC 2323 IETF Identification and Security Guidelines 1 April 1998
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- this author's own experience the average amount of men with long-term
- facial hair is less than 20%. Long-term versus short-term facial
- hair is a very important distinction as short-term facial hair, also
- known as the temporary illness "goatee universitis" (which symptoms
- range from full goatees to the less popular chin-goatee) is a common
- affliction for university-based males. Per capita (temporary) facial
- hair can go as high as 40%. However, among the males of the IETF the
- per capita long-term facial hair is as high as 60% [2].
-
- Ordinarily, this abundance of long-term FHE would not require that an
- RFC be written. However, increasingly there have been issues
- regarding mistaken identification. For security purposes as well as
- ease of identification, this RFC will serve to clarify these issues
- and hopefully provide a solution for them.
-
- 4. Mistaken Identification Syndrome (or "Are you --jon. or Scott?")
-
- I was speaking to a very well-known network researcher, I'll call him
- --jon., who tells me that he is often mistaken for a SOBbing Harvard
- person. --jon. says, "People tell someone to look for me or him and
- say that I'm about so-tall with a big white beard, and suddenly
- people are coming up to me and saying, 'Hi Scott' and he often tells
- me that he is mistakenly hailed as, '--jon.'. Often the mistake is
- made solely on the appearance of our facial hair."
-
- Another story --jon. told me is that once a woman called looking for
- a computer researcher but only having a first name and physical
- description. The receiptionist asked for the description and the
- woman said she was looking for an older Caucasian man with a beard.
- The receptionist reportedly blurted out, "they all have beards!!!!"
-
- On a more personal note, two researchers who were both employed at
- USC/ISI shaved their very famous facial hair and were both
- unrecognizable to friends and co-workers alike. If it weren't for
- B.M.'s Grateful Dead T-shirts and lack of shoes, or R.V.M.'s voice I
- would have never recognized them.
-
- 5. Security Considerations
-
- It is obvious to this researcher that facial hair of any variety is a
- very recognizable characteristic. Indeed, when giving a description
- of a male who has facial hair, it is always one of the first
- characteristics given. Ordinarily this would not be a problem, since
- facial hair in the world at large is below 20%. However, when used
- as a description at IETFs, disaster can insue.
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- Ramos Informational [Page 2]
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- RFC 2323 IETF Identification and Security Guidelines 1 April 1998
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- 6. Solutions
-
- There are two parts to my proposed solution: the role of the seeker
- and the role of the FHE.
-
- For those who are seeking a FHE of known identity:
-
- -It is important to recognize these men as individuals.
-
- Just because a man has the facial hair you are looking for,
- please stop to inquire if you have the correct person. Think
- of what a blow it is to a person's ego to be constantly
- misidentified, and think of how annoying it is to be hailed by
- someone across a crowded IETF room and they are yelling the
- WRONG NAME. So remember to look, identify, and ask BEFORE you
- begin rambling on about some Internet stuff.
-
- For the FHE:
-
- -Give proper signals when being sought.
-
- If someone mistakenly calls you the wrong name, do not lose
- heart. Count to 10 and commonly reply, "You must have mistaken
- me for so-and-so, I am not that person.", and walk away. Also,
- if someone calls you from across a room, raise your your arm,
- smile and wave vigorously in affirmation or raise your arm,
- shake your head and give them a sign that you are not who they
- are looking for. As an FHE it is part of your responsibility
- to understand that facial hair is an extremely identifiable
- physical characteristic. Understand that non-FHE people do not
- mean any harm.
-
- 7. Conclusion
-
- In closing, I hope you found this RFC worthwhile and that it raised
- some interesting points. I also hope that I was able to further the
- cause of FHE and to make everyone's life a little bit easier. ;^)
-
- 8. References
-
- [1] THEY
- THEY, "We Who Everyone Quotes But Doesn't Know Who We Are", Pop
- Culture, April 1998.
-
- [2] 60% of IETF men have facial hair
- A. Ramos, "Damn, A Lot Of Men Here Have Facial Hair", ISI Talk,
- September 1997.
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- Ramos Informational [Page 3]
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- RFC 2323 IETF Identification and Security Guidelines 1 April 1998
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- 9. Acknowledgements
-
- I would like to thank the men of ISI who inspired me to write this
- RFC. I hope that my work will make life easier for you, and that the
- cases of mistaken identity will not be as common in the future
- because of this RFC. I understand your plight and feel for you.
- Good luck.
-
- Thanks to my life partner, Martin, who's reoccuring affliction of
- goatee universitis is a constant source of joy for me.
-
- 10. Author's Address
-
- Alegre Ramos
- USC/ISI
- 4676 Admiralty Way #1001
- Marina del Rey, CA 90292
-
- Phone: 310-822-1511 x153
- EMail: ramos@isi.edu
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- Ramos Informational [Page 4]
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- RFC 2323 IETF Identification and Security Guidelines 1 April 1998
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- 11. Full Copyright Statement
-
- Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998). All Rights Reserved.
-
- This document and translations of it may be copied and furnished to
- others, and derivative works that comment on or otherwise explain it
- or assist in its implementation may be prepared, copied, published
- and distributed, in whole or in part, without restriction of any
- kind, provided that the above copyright notice and this paragraph are
- included on all such copies and derivative works. However, this
- document itself may not be modified in any way, such as by removing
- the copyright notice or references to the Internet Society or other
- Internet organizations, except as needed for the purpose of
- developing Internet standards in which case the procedures for
- copyrights defined in the Internet Standards process must be
- followed, or as required to translate it into languages other than
- English.
-
- The limited permissions granted above are perpetual and will not be
- revoked by the Internet Society or its successors or assigns.
-
- This document and the information contained herein is provided on an
- "AS IS" basis and THE INTERNET SOCIETY AND THE INTERNET ENGINEERING
- TASK FORCE DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING
- BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY WARRANTY THAT THE USE OF THE INFORMATION
- HEREIN WILL NOT INFRINGE ANY RIGHTS OR ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
- MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.
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